I want to kill myself so badly.?

I'm such a burden on everyone I know. They want to help me and they can't because they don't understand how I feel. I don't even understand how I feel...so it's not like I can even explain it properly. And even if I did, they'd never believe me. But the paradox of it is that if I kill myself, i'll be hurting them also. Why is this happening? I made an appointment to 2 different doctors. But the sooner of the 2 is this following monday. I feel like I can't even wait that long...I feel so bad it's ridiculous. I can't live and I can't die. I'm just trapped.